


Winner Winner Cucco Dinner

by DreamoftheWild



Category: Mario Kart (Video Games), The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
Genre: Crack, Crack with Plot, Crossover, Friendship is Magic, Hyrule Castle, I swear i'm a good writer, Italian Character(s), Mario Kart, tw/ guns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26463466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamoftheWild/pseuds/DreamoftheWild
Summary: Link is fed up  with Groose.Groose is just a lonely loser.This is literally just crack read at your own inconvenience.
Relationships: Groose & Link (Legend of Zelda)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Winner Winner Cucco Dinner

**Author's Note:**

> yes

It’s a beautiful day in Hyrule, racers are preparing for the upcoming race through Hyrule Circuit. Link is next to his cycle, waiting for the race to start, and he spots Princess Peach walk up to her cart in the next space over. Or at least, what he thought was Peach until he noticed she was a lot bulkier than usual, and also had red hair instead of blonde. Plus a pompadour. 

If Link was drinking something, he surely would have spit it out at the sight, “I’m gonna kill him!” He walks up to 'Peach' and hisses low enough that no one else can hear, "What are you doing here, Groose! What are you wearing?" 

Groose, fully garbed in a pink dress akin to the Princess’s with white gloves and a small crown placed delicately behind his pompadour, smirks and taps his heel against the side of the car, "I'm gonna win this race, and then all the ladies will come flocking to my door." 

Link is floored, "How'd you even find women's heels big enough for your feet! Why are you here? How did you sneak in?!" He actually felt like crying. How did no one else notice Peach’s new look? That's a better question that Link has no answer to. 

"I have my secrets and you have yours." Groose answers unhelpfully and jumps into Peach's cart. He’s way too big and has to sit with his legs partially resting on the engine hood, he looked ridiculous but you'd never be able to tell him this. "Might wanna get ready to race or you’ll be stuck with that loser smell forever.” 

Link hides a pained look. Then notices the other drivers hopping in their vehicles as well and runs back over to his cycle. “Fine then,” he tells himself, “maybe he’ll leave me alone if I win.” 

“Racers! To your positions!” The announcer quite literally yells into the loudspeaker. Groose revs his engine and throws a smirk at Link. 

“Ready?!” 

“Three!”

“Two!”

“One!”

Link holds down on the ignition to build power as the final call comes through the speaker. 

“Go!!”

They all take off, the .01 second head start for Link starts to become a large gap between him and the other racers. He looks back for just a moment and is disappointed to see that Groose is still close behind him, he hears a loud snort and chuckle, so he turns to look again. Sure enough, there’s Groose holding a red shell. “Shit.” He can barely hear the sound of it being thrown over the sound of his racing heartbeat. 

The shell hits his back wheel directly and he flails his arms as his cycle spins out of control and onto the grass, “AAAAAAAH!” He gets thrown off his cycle and he lays there for a moment to recover from the vertigo. This cost him a lot of time, and several other drivers zoomed past. 

He grumbles angrily and pulls himself back onto the cycle as soon as he’s ready to go, which really doesn’t take that long but in a race it can cost you. Baby Daisy even passed him, dammit. He was now almost in last place. 

He rights his ride and takes off once again, now more determined than ever, if Groose was gonna fight dirty, so would he. 

He slowly makes his way back up to fourth place, they pass through the market again, marking the next lap. He had two more to catch up and hold the lead. 

He passes Baby Daisy, giving her the finger, and speeds up with a mushroom he picked up. He hears her cry but does not care. 

He hits an item box as they go through the castle portion of the track, “Nice!” He slams the star he received into the fuel port and has to hold on for dear life as his cycle goes faster than before. He passes Luigi, not missing the menacing side eye the Italian sends at him, but he's glowing so whatever Luigi. Now he was directly behind Groose.

“Hey!” Link yells and Groose turns around. 

“What the hell?” Groose screams when he notices Link has a fucking gun. And yes indeed, Link had a pistol aimed at Groose’s tire. “FUCK YOU GROOSE!” He shoots and the tire explodes, sending Groose off the track. He falls in the grass and his dress gets muddied and torn. 

Link feels powerful, but he tosses the now empty gun onto the track and continues to hold his lead. He passes the checkpoint, one more lap.

He hears Luigi’s blue shell and successfully dodges, hearing the pained “Mama Mia!” from the racer farther behind him. 

He focused on just the track the rest of the race, and soon he’s passing the finish line. He slows down and throws his arms up, “Woo!” 

Four big, burly hands grab his arms. “You’re coming with us, Kid.” A gruff voice says as Link looks up at the two security officers in surprise.

He’s led to a small, cramped office. Groose is sitting in one of two chairs in front of a large desk. His arms are crossed and he’s definitely mad. The officers dump him in the other chair.

“Stay here.” And they leave to stand outside the door. 

He looks at Groose and Groose looks at him. They look at each other. “Sorry.” They both day at once. Link is shocked. Groose is shocked. 

Groose talks first, “I just wanted to hang out with you man.”

Link sighs, “You know you can ask right? You know how competitive I get.”

They go silent as the door opens. Oh shit. Mario himself walks in the room, he's shaking his head. He stands behind the desk they're in front of. His mouth opens, he's about to scold them. 

“A pizza.. a pasta..” he slams his fist on the table, “mama Mia.” Link is nodding solemnly, Groose is really confused because he can't speak Italian. 

Mario shakes his head one more time and leaves. The guards come back in and grab them both and throw them over their shoulders.

They get tossed outside of the track. 

Link turns to Groose, “Wanna go get lunch?” 

“Yeah man, let’s go.” 

And they did. 

**Author's Note:**

> this ended different than I planned but uhhhh I like it better


End file.
